Thursday, 11 March 2010

Writing vs. Wedding

When I came to write this post I noticed it was over a month since my last blog post. The good thing is I know exactly why.

Over the last month (probably a little longer) I have done very little writing and what I have done has been articles rather than creative writing. Instead I have been focusing on my life stress, mainly my upcoming wedding.

Of course this is all good news, what could be a better distraction from writing, if I am not going to do any writing let it at least be for a positive reason like my wedding! Focusing on the wedding rather than writing has meant I have been able to complete several overdue tasks that I had been ignoring, such as booking the make up, having the hair trial and finding some wedding shoes.

The unfortunate side of this is that I have spent much of the time feeling guilty and that I should be writing. Trust me to try and overdo things and have a 'guilt complex'. No matter how many times I have told myself, and my fiance has told me, that it is ok to have a break from writing and that I cannot do everything, I cannot help feeling bad.

What has been worse is that when I have had some spare time and could get some writing done I have felt uninspired and lacking motivation. Has not writing for a while had such a negative effect that I cannot rekindle it? Then because I worry about this so much and I think what I write will not be good enough I avoid it.

More than anything else these thoughts probably show me as someone with some deep emotional problems including avoidance, anxiety and dependence and this is probably not far from the truth. I know that what I have been getting worked up about is purely based on my own flawed reasoning but it does not make it any less real.

It has recently came to the point where the wedding is nearly organised and I want to get some writing done and it just is not happening. I know most writers have a break in creativity but I am still trying to get published, I cannot waste time leisurely taking time off! I needed something to ignite a spark in me and I think I have now found it.

This weekend I attended Words by the Water at Keswick and loved it. I left feeling inspired and ready to get back into some serious writing. I now have to be productive and use that feeling. As shown in this post and previous blog posts I do spend too much of my time feeling guilty that I am not writing enough and it is counter-productive.

My writing will be less over the coming couple of months, I don't intend on spending my honeymoon with a pen glued to my hand, but hopefully some writing will dispel some of the stress. And, with two months now passed, I am still hoping that 2010 will be my year.

Happy Writing



Diane McIlmoyle said...

Emma - can you write about your wedding preparations? Write letters to the Wedding magazines? It's a big deal, this getting married stuff, so I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about it. Try to enjoy it!

Emma B said...

Thanks Diane, that's the problem I shouldn't feel guilty but that is my all over unfortunately.

I am getting into the swing of it now and plan to be using alot of the experience for writing (when I can find the time).